Many of you have asked to see a few papers that were scored 4s. These papers all have a strong lead, conclusion, great vocabulary and they focus on one moment. Many of our papers lose focus or start talking about the next day.

Please let me know if you have any questions!

I am circular and made of metal. I cannot speak or move on my 

 own. I am a quarter.

            A big, bright sun reflected off my “body”. If it weren’t for the small shade that covered me, I would’ve been reduced to a glob of silvery goo. The thing was, there were these annoying cars that constantly honked their annoying horns. It was so irritating, I could’ve sworn I started smoking and glowing red. Anyway, I couldn’t walk to the noisiest car and beat up everyone inside. Like I explained before, I can’t move on my own. All I can do is sit and wait until someone, somehow, finds me and inserts me into a soda machine. That’s the goal of every quarter. But I know it’s hopeless.

            What seemed like hours passed as I waited, waited for somebody who happened to be looking down. But then, I felt I needed to be more optimistic about this. I even felt a little better until I got run over by an Escalade. “Well, there goes my day,” I thought as I soared across town and landed in a roadside fruit stand, lodged halfway inside a watermelon. A moment later, a young man’s voice asked, “I’ll take that watermelon.” “That’ll be $4.99,” explained the ugly salesman. “Thanks,” the man replied.

            Finally, after a few minutes, the guy who was carrying me noticed that there was a quarter stuck in his melon. “Hey, a quarter! It must be my lucky day!” This guy looked thirsty, and I could tell he needed a Coca-Cola stat! We hurried to the nearest soda machine. We might’ve been, oh, a good mile away, but I could see it. As we got closer and closer with each step, I prepared myself. All my life, I had waited for this moment. Maybe I was wrong before. Maybe it wasn’t hopeless. Anyway, the guy slowly inserted me into the little slot and pushed the Coca-Cola button that would grant him of his wish. I rolled down a narrow slide that led into…….. heaven. Mountains of quarters were piled high. There was even a V.I.P. center for dollar bills. I was so happy that I finally pursued my dream of becoming a resident of the soda machine.

            I can’t believe that I reached my goal. I spotted a Coca-Cola bottle rolling down a wide ramp. Sure, I was excited about what I achieved, but I was also glad knowing that I saved a life.